Bad skin day...everyday...

My skin just seems to be getting worse and i have absolutely no idea where i am going wrong with it. I wash my face twice a day every day and take all my makeup off - i cleanse, tone, and moisturise (all with clinique 3-step anti-blemish formula); i use an oil-free primer and try to apply as little foundation and concealer as possible (although that is rather hard with a face like mine)...and i am on a contraceptive pill that is supposed to help with skin break-outs!

I have been like this ever since i can remember, although my doctors records say i have struggled with acne since i was 13...8 years ago. I have tried every natural remedy, every shop remedy, every over the counter remedy...i drink lots of water, eat plenty of vegetables and overall i think i am a healthy person so i truly don't understand it!

I went to the doctors about it again on Friday because it's seriously beginning to make me depressed...after 8 years of enduring it i now resemble a Monet painting (alright from a distance...a complete mess up close). My face is pock-marked, scarred, and completely uneven. The doctor and i went through my options again...apparently i have tried everything bar a few things - most of which we ruled out leaving only one new remedy: azeleic acid finacea) 15% gel.

Typically whenever i decide enough is enough and go to the doctors to rethink my options my skin clears up, therefore the option of a dermatologist has never been presented to me due to the worry that such strong medication would cause more harm than good...whereas in my opinion i should have been referred to one years ago.

I again tried to reinforce my unhappiness that my skin now resembled something akin to volcanic rock...i'm 21 years old and i don't exactly have peachy youthful skin. The reply i got was very nearly heartbreaking.

You see i used to have acne EVERYWHERE. It was all over my back, neck, shouders, chest...i was riddled. But that's all gone, left no marks and has never returned. This has led my doctor to come to the conclusion that this is just my skin 'type'. There is nothing foreign causing it, it's just natural to me...therefore she said that nothing would actually get rid of it completely, the lotions and potions will limit them and keep most at bay but i have to wait until i grow out of them...which might never happen.

So while i liberally apply my new cream as i stare at my hideous complexion in the mirror i wonder how bad i'm going to look in 5 years time. Two days ago my skin was very nearly clear...now i'm covered again. I feel ugly and very disheartened.

My poor boyfriend tries his best as well...he tells me i'm beautiful everyday, that my skin is fine and that i look wonderful without makeup...but all i see are spots, bumps, and flaws.

If this is my skin for the rest of my life i'd better start saving for some kind of plastic surgery now...i just hope there's an end to this.